A Bad couple of weeks!

I have had the worst two weeks this year! There are times in my life when I feel like everything is just too much and I want to get off the ride and just lie down! This is one of them! I try so hard not to get like this because I know that there are so many people in this terrible world we live in who are worse off than me. But, this is one of those times when I want my mum. I might be 55, but when my mum passed away almost 5 years ago she was my rock, my sounding board, my light at the end of the tunnel, all those metaphores that mean she always kept me grounded and she always said the right things! I miss her so much, if I could just have one last chat, a hug and tell her I love her, but then if I did, I think I would still want just one more!

 

I think that part of this melancholy has been caused by the fact that my youngest son, Luke, has just bought his first home with his partner Abby and he will be moving out in January. So after Christmas there will just be Richard and I living here. I am not looking forward to that. My boys have been my life for the last almost 27 years, and I miss them when they are not here. Aaron moved out almost eight years ago and to this day I miss him! Mums and their sons I feel will always have a very special bond, and I hope that my two 'boys' will always feel they have that too! There is a lot going on at the moment within the family, things are changing, and I am not dealing with it very well! The next big change will be a move for Richard and I, we intend to sell our current home and move out to a village, preferably in a bungalow, and although I want to get out of a town, I have a lot of happy memories in this house and don't want to leave it for that reason only! Not least the fact that my mum spent every Christmas here with us after my dad passed away, every bank holiday and when she had her hip replacement I nursed her here for 10 weeks until she was ready to go home! I know that wherever I am my mum is with me, but I have so many wonderful memories here that I will be sad to leave it!

 

My lovely mum with Luke at Christmastime, Luke was about 5 here!

 



 

Luke and Abby's lovely new home!

 

 

Kitchen!

 



 

Luke and Abby, proud homeowners!

 

I think another problem for me is that I am exhausted! My new GP has put me on morphine, and this makes me feel very 'spaced out'! After spending six weeks in Spain throughout October and into November, during which we had a car accident and our car was written off, causing us to have to buy a car online and have it shipped out to Spain, I came home feeling very deflated, and unsure now that I actually want to live over there. As much as this country drives me mad, I think I prefer the UK to Spain, and I am now fighting with my conscience to know what to do! I have also had a very busy time since my return, trying to get everything sorted for Christmas, helping Luke prepare for his move, moving furniture up to Aaron in Leeds, and tomorrow we are off to Heathrow to take Luke and Abby for their flight to Reykjavik! All of these things I do because I want to, it's just that my body can't cope with it all! And it really does tick me off!

 

I have also had the 'flu' since I returned from Spain, it started last week, after a trip to the doctors on Monday and then the dentists on Tuesday, I awoke on Wednesday feeling really ill! Oh joy! Thursday morning I awoke at 4 a.m. and couldn't breathe, something I have had a fear of all of my life, having an illness where I couldn't breathe! For the next two days I fought the cold, and on Saturday I managed to go with Rich to take the sofa to Aaron, but I really think I should have stayed at home in bed!

 

Next weekend is also a busy one, because we have to go to Heathrow again next Saturday and collect Luke and Abby, and on Sunday we are going out for lunch with Abby and her parents and brother! On the Monday (3rd December) Rich and I are going to Coombe Abbey to watch the Christmas Carols Singing and I have booked us a room for the night too! I am hoping this will give us both a bit of a break and give us chance to talk about the Spain situation!

 

The weekend after this we have the works night out on Friday 7th, and on 8th we have Aaron home for a gig he is attending. The weekend after that we are in Leeds (14th) as it is Aaron's 27th birthday! And of course the weekend after that it is Christmas weekend, and the men finish work on 21st December! Aaron is coming home on the 23rd for the week, so we will have a lovely family Christmas again! How many more of these we will have I don't know, and how many more we will have in this house - who knows!

 

For me this is a difficult time, I miss my parents, I miss their steadfast love, their wisdom but most of all I miss them - a big hug from them right now would be bliss! But while on Facebook earlier I saw the picture below, and I got to thinking, my mum and dad are always here with me, I have my dad's red hair, his shape of nose and his big ears (thanks dad!!!!) and I have my mum's personality, I take no nonsense, say it as it is, but if I could do something for someone I would - if someone needed it more than me I would give them the shirt off my back! I think I have turned out ok, and so have my two boys, and I have my parents to thank for that! I hope that they know this, I pray that they know how much I love them, and I will always be the person I am because of them - thankyou mum and dad!

 

 





 

 

The Birthday Blues!

It has been a bit of a topsy turvy few weeks for me! I have finally started to get things sorted with respect to my illness, with the first step of moving doctors! My old surgery was very large, but very impersonal, it was almost impossible to get an appointment and I always felt like the doctors were very dismissive of me. What I would give to be able to give them Fibromyalgia for the day! I would love to see them struggling to put their feet on the floor because of the pain shooting up their legs to their hips, trying to shower but the water on their skin actually feels like it is burning because of the pain, feeling wiped out after the shower and having to sit for 20 minutes before they can even think about getting dressed, trying to get downstairs but having to sit on their bum because the pressure on their knees is too much and brings them to tears - and all this is before 10 in the morning! What would they do, how would they cope with it, and how on earth would they be able to go to work every day when a simple task like a shower can take anything from half an hour to two hours! Gives people food for thought that simple everyday tasks are like climbing a mountain for a person with Fibro!

 

My lovely friend Debs Towers-Best sent me an article she had found that was written by someone who had worked with people with Fibro, and in it he stated that often people are diagnosed with Fibro within two years of a major trauma in their life! This makes sense for me, because I was diagnosed with it just 14 months after the death of my beloved mum, and the subsequent fall out with my family! It is incredible really that I must have had this illness for about a year before I realised there was anything wrong! So many of the things mentioned in this article fitted with how I am - the longing for chocolate, something I never had before, because apparently you crave sweet things, the intake of too much caffeine, mainly because all I want to do is sleep, and not eating properly! Most of the time I have no appetite and it is too much of an effort to make food! The other one, which I do not have a problem with, is drinking plenty of water, I drink at least 2 litres a day, as I am constantly thirsty!

 

I have an appointment at my new doctors on Monday and I am going to sit over the weekend and write out a list of things I want to mention to him. My symptoms have escalated of late, and I am finding that the pain relief is only lasting about an hour, after that it gradually returns and I have to spend a couple of hours sitting rocking back and forth waiting for the 4 hours to be up so I can take some more! Not a good way to live!

 

I have also received the paperwork from the court telling me that there is a 40 week - yes 9 months - wait to get my tribunal heard because of the backlog! It beggars belief that I am going to have this hanging over me for 9 months, and all the time I have no doubt I will be deteriorating because stress makes this illness worse!

 

Of all the symptoms this illness has, the worst one for me is the loss of short term memory, it drives me crazy that I cannot get myself organised in any way, everything is so muddled in my head, and often I can't even say what I want to say because the words just won't come to me! What a carry on!

 

On the other side of the coin I sat today and read about two lady police officers who were gunned down and killed earlier this week! The sadness I felt at the tragic loss of two ladies just doing their jobs, the awful way their families must be feeling that they would never see them again, and it really put things into perspective. I may be in pain, but at least I am alive, but then I also thought, but what sort of life is it? I never make plans to go anywhere because I know that 90% of the time I will cancel, I hardly leave the house on my own because I am scared that I will either fall over or I will get some sort of spasm and not be able to move, and worst of all I hate going out because when I walk the pain is so bad that I am almost in tears!

 

But I want to end this blog on a happy note, this weekend is my birthday (well Monday!!) and I will be 55! The realisation hit me the other day that I will be nearer to 60 than 50, and it was quite a shock! My eldest son Aaron is coming home for the weekend with his girlfriend Vickie and Luke's girlfriend Abby will be coming over too! We have booked to go out for a meal on Saturday night at Cafe Gnosh, and although I am looking forward to it, I am also dreading it, because I will have to spend time getting ready to go! The one consolation is it is a Saturday, so I will have a very easy day and hopefully a rest in the afternoon so I can cope with going out! I love it when all my family are together, and I am so looking forward to that! Life is good in so many ways, and for this I am grateful, but what I would like is one day free from pain, not much to ask, but unlikely to happen!

 

 

Aaron and Vickie

 

Luke and Abby

 



Goodbye Kerry!

Today was Kerry's funeral! Something I had been dreading attending for some time. Not because I didn't want to pay my respects to an incredible woman, but because I knew there would be people there who are two faced hypocrits who never had a good word to say about Kerry while she was alive and were only there because they were bloody nosey! I know that sounds awful, but I can't help telling the truth! There were people there who had asked me not to invite Kerry to get togethers at my home, which I find incredible! Thankfully I have my own mind and do what I want to do in my own home!

 

The send off was beautiful, the church was packed, the hymns were lovely, the eulogy was wonderful, but for me the two things that brought tears to my eyes were the poem Kerry's 11 year old daughter tried to read and the speech Kerry's husband Dave made. To say that he was angry is putting it mildly, but he was right to be angry, because a lot of people think that the reason for Kerry's illness and the speed with which it took her life was down to the stress she went through. You see Kerry was one of those people who gave her all to her job, she did in fact give her life! I won't put all the details on here, out of respect for Kerry and her family, but the Health Authority she worked for for many many years, and where she did her training, basically crapped on her from a great height - and today Dave named and shamed those responsible knowing that it would get back to them! A brave step to take, but an understandable one! Kerry, the bubbly fun loving girl who would give the shirt off her back to help someone was accused of being a bully and racist, and the people who accused her of this were people she thought were her friends. I believe they lied, and what is even more incredible is the main perpetrator of these lies was promoted once Kerry was suspended and then removed from her post! Incredible that in this day and age people can lie in court and get away with it. And what is even worse, the person that did this to Kerry denied that she was her friend, yet just a few years before this had been on holiday with her!

 

I hope that Kerry can rest in peace now, and I hope that Dave can have some closure now that he has had his say, and I hope that the people who did this to Kerry never have another days peace for as long as they live! Kerry's 15 year old son stood tall today, tears in his eyes, and tried to be strong for his dad and little sister, Kerry's 11 year old daughter was in pieces. She was bereft that this was her time to say goodbye to the fun loving vibrant mummy who had always been there for her, given her everything she could, and all she wanted now was a cuddle from her mum!

 

 

Kerry and Dave - taken just 18 months ago at a party we went to!



 

Because I was unsure if the people I did not like were going to continue on to the wake, I decided not to attend. There was also a burial after the church service, and I couldn't face that either. So myself and Mel went for lunch and we had a bottle of wine and toasted Kerry, which in Kerry's eyes would be the thing to do! We all had visions of Kerry sitting on a cloud with a glass of wine in one hand and her mobile phone in the other! If Kerry wasn't laughing and joking she was on her phone, which never seemed to stop ringing! God bless you Kerry Marriott, you will be so sadly missed by so many, but you will live on in your two children, who look so much like you, and I hope that they will both grow up to be like their mum too - bubbly, cheeky, radiant and full of fun, that was Kerry!

 

After I got home from lunch we had a bit of a break and a cup of tea, then finally went to the doctors on the estate to register with them. I am finding it increasingly difficult to drive, and when I go to my surgery in town it is a difficult drive and parking is a nightmare! The surgery on the estate is literally a 2 minute drive and there is lots of parking, which is a relief! I also feel that the surgery in town is now too big, the doctors are not interested, and most of the time they don't even look up when you are talking! This for me is just rude! How can they possibly know how I am when they don't even look at me? Anyway, we are now on the move, hopefully, and with that move we should get a full overhaul by the new doctors! Now that should be interesting!

 

I have a busy day again tomorrow, my theatre trip with Elaine and Vic and meal out, so I am off to bed shortly. The pain today has been mostly everywhere! I have struggled to hold up my head, my shoulders really hurt, and my hips and knees feel like they have red hot pokers stuck in them! But I will carry on, I will not give in, and maybe one day I can just get something that will help me! But I would like a cure for cancer to be found first, because cancer kills, and I really don't want any more children to have to go through what Kerry's children did today! Cancer sucks, I hate it with a passion, and I pray to God that one day that cure will be found!

All Hail Ma Brown!

I had the best night out on Tuesday with my lovely hubby and my son Luke and his partner Abby. We went to see Mrs Brown Rides Again at the NIA in Birmingham, and to say that I laughed until I cried is putting it mildly! Even my throat hurt because I laughed so much, something I haven't done in a very long time! We booked the night out as a surprise for Luke's 24th Birthday, so he didn't know he was going until Sunday evening! We had arranged for Abby to finish work early on Tuesday so she could get here and have time to get ready. We didn't just go to the show, we also booked a meal as part of the Freestyle package, which was very enjoyable and also well organised. In with the price we had a main course and a sweet, three drinks per person, and our car parking ticket, which in itself would have been £8 if we hadn't got the package deal! We arrived in Birmingham at 5, which gave us plenty of time to find the car park, and make our way to the arena. Thankfully the car park had plenty of disabled places so we got a space and had a very short walk, down a ramp, to the venue. All very well organised! After waiting for about 15 minutes for the door to open, we were shown to our table and then the waiter came to take our order for drinks, and we then had to go to the buffet to choose our meal. I went for the chicken tikka with saga aloo and basmati rice, which was delicious. The sweet trolley was heaving with an abundance of lovely sweets, and I went for a caramel apple pie with cream! Mmmm, really tasty! I also had two glasses of wine with my meal, and ordered a wine for the interval.

 

We went to our seats for the show, which were in a really good spot, and it all began at 7.30 on the dot! The start in itself was hilarious, even the safety message was given by 'Ma Brown', and her mention of the IRA was funny and taken in good part. When the actual show began, Ma Brown was polishing in the kitchen, not particularly funny until you realised she was polishing the BAFTA the show had won! This was then promptly followed by her walking into the lounge and tripping over something, when she picked it up it was another BAFTA and her comment was 'jesus these feckin things are everywhere', to which the crowd roared and clapped with approval! The show itself was brilliant, lots of ad libs, hysterical cast, and many moments when they forgot their lines, but nobody in the audience minded, well most people! The only downside for us was the fact that the three people sat in front of us, a man, woman and a young girl, did not seem to be enjoying the show, and on quite a few occasions the man and woman looked at the young girl, who I assume was their daughter, and seemed a little embarrassed! There were a lot of inuendos in the show, and a lot of swearing, but I will say that the site you buy tickets from tells you that it does contain adult humour and under 14's have to be accompanied by an adult! If they felt it was too risque for their daughter, then maybe they should have thought twice about taking her! Thankfully they left about half an hour before it finished! The only other downside to the night was the seats in the arena, very very uncomfortable, and they really did not do me any good at all! By the end of the show I was in agony, and although there was plenty of leg room, my knees were very painful too! Thankfully it was a short walk to the car, and when I got home I had a nice cup of tea and 2 painkillers!

 

Ma Brown on the big screen!



 

 

 The cast at the end of the show!

 

 

Luke opening his presents!

 

 

 

We really have had a bit of a mad few weeks with one thing and another, but one thing I do have this week is the funeral of my lovely friend Kerry, not something I am looking forward to, especially as there will be people there who I know are not nice, and who have, in the past let me down badly. But I will rise above all that, because I have to pay my respects to a lovely woman who did not deserve to lose her life to bloody rotten cancer. She also did not deserve what she went through over the last few years! And more than all that, her two children aged just 15 and 11 do not deserve to grow up without a mother. Tragic is the word!

 

On Saturday I am at the theatre with Elaine and Vic, an early celebration for my birthday on 24th of this month, before they return to Spain for the winter. We are going for a meal first, which is going to be difficult because both Rich and I are on diets! We both have a lot of weight to lose and cannot afford to overdo it at the weekend, but I think we just have to be sensible. I am not going to drink, mainly because it is a meal before the show and I am worried about going to the toilet in the middle of the show and also being too tired to enjoy it! But whatever happens, we will enjoy it, because it is nice to meet up with friends and even better to have an evening out!

 

Next weekend is the one I am looking forward to, we are off to Windsor for a couple of days and staying at the McDonald Windsor Hotel right by the castle. But the bit I am looking forward to most is the trip around the Harry Potter Studios tour! I have arranged for a wheelchair as the tour itself is quite big, but mainly because I cannot walk too far now, and I know there is a lot to see!

 

So all in all September is a busy month, and it ends with a visit from my older son Aaron and his partner Vicki on the 21st to celebrate my birthday, which for me is always great because I miss him very much! It is always good to have the whole family together, and I must be honest I dread the time when they are too busy to visit, which I hope will never happen!

 

Anyway, I have a lot of other things going on, mainly the fact that my appeal is going to tribunal and that I am now changing my GP because I cannot get into town to go to the one I have now! So a busy month ahead, one I will no doubt wish would be at an end, because stress makes the Fibro worse, and at the moment I am extremely stressed! This I think is the main reason why I am in so much pain, which I will say is affecting my whole body at the moment! It has got so bad that some evenings I am having to get into my pyjamas early because I can't even stand my bra being on me as it hurts my skin! Try explaining that to your doctor, they really have no clue and do not understand one iota of what I go through each day! But I will carry on, I will get through all this, but sometimes, just sometimes, I wish that I could have one day free from pain, to be able to walk round without every step hurting me, to go up the stairs normally instead of on all fours, to get out of my chair without my knees creaking and hurting me! Oh look, there's a pink pig flying past my window! That is as likely as me having a day free from pain!!! 







In Memory of Kerry

I have just returned from a week away in Spain. During my holiday I found out that a friend of mine had passed away. She was only 49 years old and leaves behind a 15 year old son and an 11 year old daughter, both of whom will miss their mum and have to grow up without her. I know this happens to people every day, and that many young people lose their parents at a young age, but the tragedy in this is the difficulties that Kerry had been through over the last few years at the hands of the hospital management where she worked, which I think had probably contributed to her death. Although she had cancer, because of the awful time she had been through over the last 4 years she perhaps did not pay attention to her health as much as she should have, and as an excellent nurse had she not been so stressed over the treatment she was receiving from a hospital that she had given her life to she might have noticed the signs more easily!

 

Kerry was the most bubbly, fun loving person, even through all the difficulties, who had lots of friends who she always made time for. When she found out she had cancer, we all hoped she would survive, but it wasn't meant to be, in fact it took her very quickly. She fought for a while, but I think she knew that it was not going to help her. A tragic loss of a young life, and the loss of a very much loved wife to Dave and mother to Jacob and Naomi. She was also a much loved daughter, sister, auntie, niece and cousin, and there are many pictures of her on her Facebook page at many family gatherings.

 

I knew Kerry when she first started her nurse training, and in fact I mentored her for a short while, and she was one of those people that you always could rely on. She worked hard and became an excellent nurse, her only fault was that she was too soft and often used to let others take advantage. This is what caused her the problems later on and this I feel was the reason why she had been ill for so long and had just put it down to stress. What the people at the hospital did to her was disgusting, I will not discuss it on here as it is not worth the waste of words on such vile people, but I hope that those people who lied about Kerry, to further their own careers, can live with what they have done, because I just know that what they did to her caused her illness and subsequent death! So the next time you want to be vile to someone, or nasty, just think that there are consequences to everything that we do!

 

I feel devastated at the loss of Kerry, especially as I had not been to see her for some time, and had promised her that when I returned from holiday I would give her a call and go round for a coffee. The reason for my lack of visits was the most annoying thing, I felt so ill that I didn't want to go round to see her and be negative! Now I wish I had just pushed myself and made that visit, Fibromyalgia has such a devastating effect on me, leaves me down and unable to cope, and the last thing Kerry needed was me going round there and being shocked at how she looked or unable to contain my feelings and getting upset!!  Nobody knew that the cancer would take her so soon, not even Kerry, and I can only imagine the shock and devastation this has caused to her family. She will leave a very big hole in their lives, she was always the life and soul of the party, the one who was first to get up and sing on the karaoke, the one who everyone went to when they had a problem, she was just a great woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, auntie, cousin and friend! God bless you Kerry, taken too soon, may you rest in peace free from pain, and I hope that you are now back with your brother Alan (Jappo), having the time of your lives with the Angels. I will miss you.

 

 

 

Kerry Wills Marriot

October 1962 - August 2012

Rest in Peace



What a joy the Olympics have been!

I am, I have to admit, one of those people who was thinking that the Olympics were a waste of resources and something the country could do without at the current time! With the recession biting, and keeping it's very unwelcome jaws clamped on us all for much longer than we would like, I just felt that the whole thing would be a flop! This was not helped by the ridiculous debacle of the security and the so called company who were supposed to be organising it! While we had the whole world watching us our wonderful (ahem) government decided that the cheapest would be the best, and put the security of the whole Olympics in the hands of a right bunch of muppets! Perhaps it is a bit of nepotism, because they must be related as neither seem capable of organising a p**s up in a brewery!

Not surprisingly the security was then handed over to our Armed Forces and Police. Go figure, the government had to depend on those people whose numbers they are planning on cutting over the coming months! Great, let's see you make sure the biggest event the country has ever organised is safe for all those taking part, visiting, etc., and by the way, at the end of it we will be giving you your P45! We have also had the most incredible volunteers who have helped at this fantastic event, and one of the things that has come across in the many many programmes covering the Olympics, is the fact that all of those who have been there to make sure that everyone is safe, gets to the right venue and generally helped, have had the most incredible smiles on their faces and have done their jobs in the typical way of us British - to the very best of their ability! We are a proud nation, and after this last two weeks I feel that we have a right to be, because from the Opening Ceremony to today, I have watched in awe as our fantastic team has won 29 Golds, 16 Silver and 19 Bronze medals, the most medals our country has ever won at a modern Olympics! Go Team Great Britain and Northern Ireland, you really have made me very proud to be British!

The Opening Ceremony I felt was incredible, from the fantastic rings that burned brightly as they were hoisted skyward, to seeing those future athletes lighting the flame of the incredible Olympic Torch, what a great way to ensure that the Olympic contestants of 2016, 2020, 2024 and beyond, will be sitting at home and thinking 'I want to be at the next Olympics'! Of course there were other highlights, seeing the Queen parachute into the stadium with James Bond aka Daniel Craig!! Seeing the wonderful Team GB and NI lead by Sir Chris Hoy in their incredible white and gold outfits coming into the stadium (and yes I cried!!), seeing David Beckham arrive on a speed boat with the flame, (that man is just so sexy!!), which was handed to Sir Steve Redgrave who then gave the honour to five future athletes, all picked by a famous Olympic medal winner, to light the incredible torch! The torch itself was a masterpiece, made up of 204 petals, one for each country taking part in the 30th Modern Olympiad, in London 2012!!! And of course there were the fireworks, and what a spectacle they were, absolutely incredible! Another note of interest for Great Britain is the fact that we are the only country to host the Olympics three times, 1908, 1948 and now 2012! What a great accolade for such a small country, and what an incredible job we have made of it!

 The Olmpic Rings aflame and being hoisted into the sky!

 The Queen (ahem!) parachuting into the stadium!

Sir Chris Hoy leading Team GB and NI into the stadium!

David Beckham on the speedboat with the flame!

The lighting of the Olympic Torch!

 The Firework Finale, incredible!!

Thoughout the 16 days there have been some fantastic moments, there have been some not so good ones, there have been tears, tantrums and many a laugh! There have also been the odd mistakes, times when things have gone wrong, times when countries you wouldn't expect to win a medal have done so, and times when teams who were expected to win have not! As one athlete said, it is all about the day, no matter how many times you have beaten someone before, the Olympics is a whole different ball game!!

I sat this morning watching one of the many programmes showing the highlights of the games, I found myself welling up, but none more so than when Tom Daley got his Bronze for the diving! At 18 years of age, this for him has been a very tough year. His dad, a wonderful man who never complained about getting up at 5 a.m. to take Tom to the swimming baths, passed away last year from a brain tumour. He fought very hard to survive, but it was not to be. A recent programme about Tom and his rise to fame - which of course has nothing to do with the fact that he is a lovely looking lad with a great physique - gave all of us more of an insight into this very unassuming young man, and the tough times in his life. Losing his dad was the toughest, but he also spoke about the fact that he was bullied at school, mainly by jealous people who didn't like the fact that he was so popular! Sad sad people who cannot rejoice in the good fortunes of others, and not once I would imagine did it ever occur to these mindless idiots just what he had gone through with losing his dad after a very long illness, but also all that he had to give up to become the athlete that he was! To see Tom's face when he won the bronze, and to see the coaching team and his team mates pick him up and jump into the pool with him was the highlight for me! The happiness was palpable, I felt myself grinning from ear to ear and I just hope that Tom will now take some time out for himself and enjoy the next few months - by the sounds of it he will be partying and eating!! He said last night that he had at times got fed up with always having to say no to going out and not being able to eat what he wanted to, and I got the impression he was going to be correcting that pretty rapidly!!



 Tom Daley being thrown into the pool by team mates and coaches!

Tom Daley with his medal!

I will be sitting tonight watching the closing ceremony, no doubt with tears, and I will have a few glasses of vino while I do! I am so proud right now to be British, a feeling I have not had about my place of birth for quite some time! So I am now an Olympic convert, and I hope that the closing ceremony will be as great as the Opening one, and I wish Rio all the best for the 2016 Olympics, and in particular I hope that Team GB and NI will have a successful games there too! 

In memory of LENNOX!

I thought I would do a blog today because tomorrow I have the delightful Boo coming to stay, and I doubt I will have time! Boo is Abby's (Luke's girlfriend) family dog! She is 7 months old and a Spanador (Spaniel/Labrador cross). She is absolutely delightful, but quite hard work still as she is a puppy. They are so like children and I wish people who suddenly decide on a whim to have a dog would realise just what hard work they are! When Abby's family decided to have a dog, they had Jess first to see if they could cope, asked me lots of questions, did some investigating on the internet, and prepared themselves for her. So far all is going well, although they do still find her hard work. There is no doubt on how much you need to do for a puppy, but the love and loyalty they give in return makes every second of it worthwhile! My Jess is my best friend, she is always here with me, she sits with me, she often lies on my feet actually, and she always knows when I am having a bad day! Over the last couple of weeks I have been watching in horror the story of poor Lennox, the dog who was murdered by Belfast City Council because of his breed. He supposedly had pitbull in him, but he had never actually hurt anyone. This murder was committed by a bunch of idiotic and ignorant people who hid behind the Breed Specific Legislation (I think it should be known as the bull shit legislation personally!!) to commit this crime. The Barnes family, the owners of Lennox, had given him as a puppy to their daughter, who is now 9, and he had been her best friend. That little girl is now devastated. What is even worse is the fact that Belfast City Council would not let the family see Lennox throughout the 2 (yes 2!!) years he was held, nor were they allowed to say goodbye to him. When they asked if they could have Lennox's body so he could be cremated and they could keep his ashes, they were told that 'some' ashes would be sent in the post!! They were also told they couldn't have his collar back either! Something about this story stinks, it has caused worldwide outrage, and thousands are asking for Belfast CC to be investigated! There are rumours that Lennox died months ago due to ill treatment, and it has been proven that he was in a terrible state when he was photographed, with his skin in a bad condition and huge bald patches all over his body! Belfast CC are now suffering because of their decision, and I am glad that they are, and I hope that one day the whole truth will be told about how this poor innocent little dog was murdered! Karma is a bitch, and I have no doubt she will get those involved!

I have now climbed off my soapbox and I am sitting with a fan on - summer has finally arrived - in the lounge while I type my blog! Jess is sunning herself in the garden and I sat out with her while I had a coffee and my lunch! She is definitely an outdoor girl is our Jess, the minute the sun is out, so is she! Today we have had to have a new shower fitted in our family bathroom - Luke and Abby will be delighted with it, it is a lot better than the old one! Although I am thrilled we have a new shower, while the man was here fitting it I had to go up and down the stairs a few times to speak to him, and then to look at it when he had finished! So now my knees are really painful, and I have had to take some extra painkillers! Oh the joys of Fibro! But on the plus side, hubby is taking me out for dinner tonight, we are going to go and try Cafe Gnosh, because I feel absolutely knackered and can't be bothered to cook! Well, that's my excuse!

The delightful Boo!

Jess and Boo, when she was just 3 months old, sharing Jess' bed!

I have had dogs all my married life, our first dog, Bess, was a black Labrador, just like Jess is now! We got her in 1982, and she was very much Richard's dog. She was a wonderful dog, very loyal, brilliant with the boys when they were born and was with us until 1996. We had a few months break from having a dog, then we got Zero, who was a Labrador/Lurcher cross, and she was 4 years old when we got her in late 1996. We got Zero from the RSPCA kennels, and she was a wonderful dog. She eventually left us on 11th June 2005, just one week before our Silver Wedding celebrations! We then had a two year gap, as I was devastated at the loss of Zero and couldn't face having another dog! When we were on holiday in the Caribbean in 2007, a celebration for our 50th birthdays, with our friends Elaine and Vic, I mentioned that I was thinking of getting another dog, and my friend Elaine straight away said not to do anything as she worked for Labrador Rescue and she would look out for a dog for us! I was quite fussy about what I wanted, a bitch, about 6 months or less, and black! She said that they rarely got bitches and never 6 months or less, but I was happy to wait! Someone must have been looking down on me I think, because we returned from our holiday on Wednesday 6th June, on the Friday Elaine phoned me to say there was a 6 month old bitch who needed a new home, and did we want her! I was shocked, thrilled, delighted and panic stricken all at once! By the following Monday Jess was here with us and note the date 11th June, exactly two years since we had lost Zero! It was just meant to be!! Elaine had to come and do a check, even though she knew my house was ok, she wanted to do things properly, Jess had to be checked over, and then she was ours! We have never looked back! Jess is part of the family, Luke loves her, as does Abby, she is a character, she is intelligent, but she is most definitely mine! The sad thing for me is the fact that I can no longer walk her, I used to love going for a lunchtime walk with her, but now I am not steady enough to do that! We recently took her to Spain with us, her third visit abroad, and she was an absolute star! Every evening we would tell her we were going to the pub, and the minute we said this she would pick her bag up (with her portable bowl, toys and chews in it!) and wait by the door! The people at the restaurant and bar on site greeted her like a child, took her bowl and filled it with water, and quite frequently came out with little treats for her - including some steak! The children loved her and made a fuss of her, even the Spanish children who are usually wary of big dogs, and she became quite a celebrity! And what was even better was the fact that because of Jess people talked to us! Like having children, animals break down barriers and people talk to each other! Something that the British are not very good at is talking to strangers, they almost hold back because of a fear that it will be seen as the wrong thing to do - but with a dog with you they are intrigued! 'Do you live here then' was usually the opener, and when we replied no, they would then ask how we got there, and one that surprised us was that someone who actually had a dog did not realise that dogs no longer have to be quarantined when they go back to the UK and they can have a pet passport! We spent quite a lot of time talking to this couple, and they actually said they were going to be looking into this for their dog when they got home! Another couple that we spoke to quite a bit had just lost their dog and they were trying to decide whether to have another one. This couple had a lot in common with us, the fact that they live in Kenilworth, which is literally 20 minutes from Rugby, and they were married the same year as us but two weeks after, made for some interesting conversations! It is amazing how many animal lovers there are when you start to speak to people, which is why I find the idea of someone killing a dog because of some stupid bull shit legislation abhorrent! But let's hope that the Barnes family will get some closure from this awful tragedy, and I also hope that they will take some comfort from the fact that they have had worldwide support for Lennox, and that although he may now be on the Rainbow Bridge, he will NEVER be forgotten!

The fight continues!

I have just read my lovely friend Sara Diana Williams blog! Once again this brave and outstanding woman has made me feel so much better about my illness! Considering what Sara has gone through in the last 3 years, it puts my illness in to the shade! 

The only problem I have with my illness is the fact that nobody can see it! Nobody can see that I am in pain, that each new day brings a new challenge - the latest one being stomach cramps every time I eat or drink anything and the constant feeling that I need to go to the toilet! I also seem to have problems with my thermostat! I can be sitting in a room where the temperature remains the same, and I can feel myself going hot from the tip of my toes to the top of my head, finishing with flushed cheeks and hot ears! Weird I know, but that is exactly how it feels! Each time something happens I go back to the wonderful internet and look it up and find that it is yet another side effect of having Fibro! How many more can there be I ask myself, or is it just a ploy by the doctors to keep us out of their surgery, just add another symptom to the Fibro, they won't know any difference!

I will say the stomach cramps have been horrific, a bit like period pains but I know it can't be that as I have no baby carriage - as my wonderful eldest son called it when I had my hysterectomy! He was only 5 at the time I had my operation, and he couldn't say hysterectomy or understand what it was, so my mum, bless her heart, tried to explain to him what a hysterectomy was! Putting it in the simplest of terms worked, they had taken away my baby carriage, the place where he and his brother had slept when they were being 'cooked', and as it was now not very well and I didn't need it any more, the doctors were taking it away! Oh the fun we had when he went into school and told them that! The teacher he had, Miss Evans, was a very tall lady, with a wicked sense of humour, and she found this analogy delightful! I did, however, find it quite difficult to know what to say when some of the little girls in my son's class came over and asked me why I had a pram in my tummy! Trust the girls to see it differently, we really are a very different breed to men! (Thank goodness!!)

Anyway, I digress, I have been having a bad time since I returned from my holiday, I have been very emotional, in fact the silliest little thing has me in floods of tears, the world seems like such a rotten place at the moment, everywhere I turn there is something awful going on! This last month has seen some crazed man in Denver go into a cinema that was showing the new Batman movie and shoot down and kill innocent people, including some young children; Belfast City Council has put to sleep a completely innocent dog because of the Breed Specific Legislation, a ridiculous law that needs to be stopped, and this has left a little 9 year old girl heartbroken at the loss of her beautiful pet!  If they had been putting down a rapist or a paedophile I could have understood that, but not a completely innocent dog whose only crime was having some pit bull in him!

On the other side of the coin I have had some really happy times and some good news in the last month too, and this is what I am trying to focus on right now to keep me on the right track and make the most of every day. My mum, who I miss with all my heart and every fibre of my being, used to say to me 'This is not a dress rehearsal our Sharon, this is it, you have to make the most of every day, because you won't get another chance'. Life is what we make of it, there will always be sadness, there will always be happiness, and as long as I can stay happy, or at least be on the middle ground, I know I can keep this illness under control! This bloody annoying, painful and downright horrible illness will not rule me, I am in charge and I will make the most of each day!  So there!

Back again!

Well after a wonderful holiday in Spain I have come back down to earth with a hell of a bump! I returned on Sunday of last week, the 8th July, and since then it has been a pretty awful 9 days! I have been in the most horrific pain, to the extent that I have been in tears, and then on Friday last I awoke with a headache that completely floored me, I felt exhausted, and everything I tried to do was like climbing a mountain!

Since then, I have tried really hard to work through the illness that is Fibromyalgia, all to no avail, and on Sunday I had to give in and spend the day in bed! When I tried to get out of bed on Friday, the whole room spun, I felt sick and I literally fell back into bed! My head felt like it would burst and my ears actually burned and were bright red and hurt to touch! I then found out that there is a virus going around, and these were the symptoms! I would say it likened to my thermometer going haywire and not working! One minute I was shivering with cold, the next I had to turn the fan on, in fact both Saturday and Sunday night I had to sleep with the fan on! Poor Richard was wrapped in the quilt with it up to his neck, and I was lying there dripping in sweat! The fact that I spent two days in bed is rare, but after spending a wonderful holiday resting, I think it all got a bit too much having to come home to the cleaning, washing and the bills to sort out, and of course the wonderful British weather!

As we left the apartment in Spain, at 10.30 in the morning, the temperature was 32 degrees and rising, and as we came into the UK the temperature was 16 degrees and dropping! Quite a shock for my body I think, and perhaps why I have suddenly hit that damned brick wall and come to a complete full stop!

The one good thing that we came back to was a cheque that was sent from a PPI claim that we had started about 18 months ago! Because of this we have decided to take another holiday later this year, we weren't sure we would be able to have another holiday until much later this year, but now we have decided to use some of the money for another break. I am so much better when I am out in the sunshine, in fact I would say I am like a new woman! The pain is still there but because I am resting more and in the heat, it is more manageable!

When I was out in Spain, I was really looking forward to the fact that the Bar and Restaurant on site was open, and I was hoping to be able to walk round there for a drink and a meal, but I had forgotten just how far it was to the bar, and poor Richard had to drive round because it was just too far for me! Really frustrating to be away in such beautiful weather and not be well enough to walk as far as the bar! Fortunately Richard is not much of a drinker, and a couple of beers and a glass of wine is as much as he will have in an evening, and the roads on site are also private, so there is no chance of the police coming into the resort without us all knowing, as they would have to come through the security gates, and even they would have to stop and show their I.D.!!

I will say though that Coppola's was an absolute delight, the staff, the food, the ambience, everything about it was right! They had entertainment on at the weekends, and since we have returned from holiday they have also started a Quiz night on a Monday and a Karaoke and Disco night on a Wednesday (not my favourite is Karaoke!!), but the best thing of all is that the resort has lots of Spanish people living there, the entertainment is in Spanish and English, and one staff member, the wonderful Alicia, has been helping us with our Spanish, so we have come on leaps and bounds with our language skills during this break!  

 Alicia is the one on the far left next to me, behind Richard is Paco the chef, and I am unsure of the names of the other people, but the man in the blue checked shirt is the owner and the young boy is Paco's son! They asked us for a photo because we are now part of the Coppola's family!

Alicia and another staff member serving up our wonderful paella!

Richard having a lovely afternoon of golf, I drove the cart!

Alicia and I on our last night! I miss her very much, delightful young lady who was always smiling! She also used to spoil Jess, who became quite a celebrity, and bring her out pieces of steak! Paco, the chef, also used to bring Jess slices of ham when the boss wasn't looking!

While we were out in Spain, the dog was with us, and she became quite a celebrity with everyone! People would come and speak to us, many people thought we lived there because we had the dog with us! In the evening when we started to get ready to go out, Jess would start 'padding', and as soon as I said 'are you coming to the pub', she would start making a lot of noise, and would pick up her bag with her bowl, chews and toy in it! It was so funny to watch her! Because she is such a good dog, we never put her on the lead when we walk her, but because often people were eating we would put her on the lead until we found a seat. She would carry her bag into the square where the seats were - outside dining is just great - and everyone would watch in awe as she walked to the table, sat down and we then gave the staff her water bowl which they would fill, even before we got a drink! The Spanish are not usually good with big dogs, they tend to have small ones, and big dogs are used as guard dogs, but because Jess was so well behaved, everyone wanted to pet her! Jess really did us proud and was very well behaved, even when Spain won the European Cup and there were fireworks going off everywhere, she just sat quietly and never made a fuss! That was definitely one of the highlights of the holiday, the atmosphere was brilliant, everyone was watching the football and we were all rooting for Spain, and even though Rich had a bad foot and a bite that had swollen up, we had a good night!

On Saturday just gone we had Abby's parents over for a Chinese Take Away, and we gave them the information folder and the keys to our apartment. They are taking a holiday on their own for the first time since they had their children, which is over 23 years ago! They are flying out to Spain and using our apartment so they can have a really relaxing and stress free holiday, I hope they will love it there as much as we do! It may be out in the sticks, but personally I prefer that to being in the middle of bars and restaurants, being kept awake by noisy holiday goers, having the smell of food from restaurants and take aways around me, the peace and quiet is what I enjoy, I would rather drive to find the noise and night life, at least then you can drive away and leave it!

This is where our apartment is, ours is the one right in the middle of the picture, second floor, with the ornament on the wall! It may only be small, but it is our little piece of paradise!

An update on the fiasco with the benefits people, I have to be reassessed, they are paying me at the moment, at the lowest rate, until my appeal is heard, so now it is just a waiting game. However, I have started a complaint against the doctor who examined me, because he blatantly lied, and every doctor takes the hippocratic oath, and part of that oath is to always tell the truth, and I will make sure that he pays for the lies he has told, in more ways than one, and that he never does this to anyone else!

Lying Doctors!

This is my first blog for June, and one that will probably be my last for a while as I am off on holiday in a few days!

I have heard back from the DWP with regards to my appeal against them stopping my Incapacity Benefit because they say I am now suddenly fit to work! The letter tells me that they have received my appeal but need more information to proceed! Quite laughable really, not sure how I could give them more information until I found out why I had been turned down, because the letter they told me would be sent telling me why I had been refused has still not arrived! I did, however, have the foresight to ask for all medical reports pertaining to my case, and all I can say is the doctor who examined me is an out and out liar!!! The amount of things that he has ommitted from the report is also ridiculous - it would appear that only the positives were included in my report! He is also a bare faced liar in as much as he told me that it was not him who made the decision about my benefit, and yet one of the sentences in the report is from him stating that I should be sent back to work sooner rather than later! My god, what a joke, the amount of things he has lied about in the report are incredible, and I will now be getting the help of a solicitor because what they are doing to people is nothing short of out and out bullying! One of the things he says in his report is that I managed to take my cardigan off myself - I wasn't wearing a cardigan, he also stated that I undid the zip of my handbag on my own - there is no zip on my handbag! This is how low our government have stooped to get people who are too ill to work to go back! Apparently if I can do this, then I must be fit to work! He has also on several occasions throughout the report stated that I went on holiday in February to Spain, that I walk the dog - as many of you know I rarely do this, and never do it on my own, I do the washing and that I can shower and dress myself! Yes I can do some of these things, but what he failed to mention from what I told him during my interview is that I have to have a cleaner come in twice a week to give the house a proper clean because I can't do it, I send my ironing away because I cannot stand for any length of time to do it, and he also didn't bother to mention the fact that we have had our bathroom adapted so I have a walk in shower and that I get up in the morning and shower before Richard goes to work as I am afraid of falling if I do it while I am on my own. He also failed to mention that it can take me up to an hour to shower and dress and after it I am exhausted! But of course, they have their targets that the government expect them to meet, and if they don't get a certain number of people off benefits they could be in trouble! No matter that the people they are sending back to work aren't fit enough, they must meet the government targets!

Needless to say I will be drafting a response, with the help of my husband, because one of the other things that was mentioned in his report was the fact that I filled in the original form on my own, but he failed to mention the fact that it took me 3 weeks to fill it in, because I could only do a little bit each day, and I did in fact send a letter to the benefits office telling them this! None of this was put in his report, but then none of the negatives were recorded only the positives! The fact that this doctor lied on this form horrifies me, he takes an oath when he becomes a doctor to say that he will always be true to his patients, so as far as I am concerned, he should be struck off!! And what is worse the whole examination took less than 40 minutes and the writing of the report took him less than 10, so my fate was decided in less than an hour!! It is a disgrace that these people are allowed to get away with this kind of thing, but as one person, it is difficult to fight it, but fight it I will, and I will be doing everything in my power to make sure this doctor is brought to task for the lies he has told in what is basically an official form and will alter my life substantially! I hope that this doctor never has to suffer the amount of pain and stress I have had to deal with in the last few weeks, and I hope that, for now, he sleeps well at night, because by the time I have finished with him, he may find that his life will be changed substantially too!

A topsy turvy week!

Since I have received the letter from the benefits people, I have been very down! Not surprising really, but it is also taking it's toll on my Fibro! A well known symptom of the disease is that stress exacerbates the pain, and I have certainly had plenty of that in the last week! I went to the doctors last Friday and got my sick note, which I have now sent to the benefits office with my letter informing them that I am appealing against their decision and asking for copies of all the reports they have for my case, as decreed by the Freedom of Information Act. The problem I have is that my benefits will stop next week, and I don't know how quickly they will act on my letter and sick note. I was told that as long as I sent in a sick note with my appeal, my benefits would continue until my appeal was heard! The other problem I have is that I am going on holiday on 13th June, and I have no doubt I will be coming back to letters and demands to go into the Jobcentre for work based interviews! Another daft idea the government have come up with - people who are given this benefit have to go into the Jobcentre and be interviewed to see if they are able to apply for jobs! Ridiculous really, if they aren't fit to work, what is the point? I thought the whole point of this change in the system was to save money, seems to me they are spending more! I fear this debacle will go on for a lot longer than I have the stamina for!

I also had a bad day last Thursday, it would have been my lovely mum's 86th birthday had she still been with us, and I miss her so much! My heart still aches for her, and my arms want just one more cuddle and to tell her I love her! But I know that she knows that, and I also know that she is very proud of us all. I just wish she was here to see it, my lovely mum, my rock, the woman who made me who I am today. Love you mum, with all my heart, always and forever. xxxx



My lovely mum, I always light a candle for her on her birthday.



On the brighter side of life, we have had a spell of glorious weather, which usually makes me feel so much better, but alas this is not the case on this occasion! I still feel rubbish, and when I was at the docs last week I also asked for some stronger sleeping tablets and he upped my Amitriptyline to 25 mgm from 10 mgm, so since then I have felt like a zombie! Everything I do takes me three times as long, and I sometimes feel like my brain is sloshing around in my head! I also feel like things in front of me are moving around, a bit like being on a boat in a storm! Yuck! But I did get a good nights sleep, so now I just have to decide if the side effects are worth it!

On Saturday we went to see our friends Elaine and Vic at their new residence in Northampton and had a lovely afternoon and evening with a barbecue and a few glasses of bubbly to celebrate their retirement! We will also be in Spain at the same time in June, as they are making their way over there to do some work on the apartment they are moving into before the weather gets too warm! Lots of happy times ahead I hope, with two very good friends! Sunday we spent the day at home, just chilling out, sunbathing and eating! Bliss! Sitting outside for breakfast makes the whole day seem so much better!

This weekend coming up is the Diamond Jubilee of Queen Elizabeth, who has this year been on the throne for 60 years, an incredible achievement for one so young when she started - she was only 26 when she became Queen Elizabeth II!! We have a very busy weekend too, Aaron moves into his first ever home on Saturday and we will be in Leeds helping him move. We will be going up on Saturday morning and returning Sunday evening. On Monday we will be going to a neighbours house for a Jubilee Party, and Elaine and Vic will be joining us, with Vic's mum Mary. So for the next few days I will be getting the house sorted ready for them coming, thankfully the cleaner will be here Thursday so I am going to ask her to help me clear out the little bedroom, and we will be moving everything into the study for a few days! Well, until we go to Spain - we keep thinking we have taken everything we need then we find more 'stuff' to take! This gets piled into the little bedroom, and piled, and piled! But hopefully this will be the last lot, especially as the Christmas decorations are now going! I want some over there just incase we ever get a Christmas over there, maybe one day we will! The only thing I cannot do is be away from my boys on Christmas day, they will always be my priority!

So all in all a busy few days ahead, a nice weekend of celebrations to look forward to, and some good times with my lovely hubby Richard, my boys Aaron and Luke and their partners Vicki and Abby, and also with special friends Elaine and Vic! All it leaves is for me to say Happy Diamond Jubilee Lizzy, and here's to many more!

Let Battle Commence!

What a bad weekend it has been! I received a response from the DWP at long last on Saturday, great day to receive a letter, means I can do nothing about it until Monday! And I quote:
'I am sorry to inform you that you are not entitled to Employment and Support Allowance. This decision was made because after your Work Capability Assesssment, we have decided that you do not have limited capability for work. We will send you a separate letter explaining the reasons why.'
This incredible statement was followed by the next sentence of:
'I understand that this decision may come as a shock to you. However, I should explain that entitlement to Employment and Support Allowance is not based on someone's health condition or disability itself. It is based on what a person is capable of doing, rather than assuming that their health condition or disability automatically prevents them from being able to work.'
Well, talk about a contradiction in terms, and how is it that a consultant can retire me medically unfit for work, after months of treatment and knowing my case well, but a man (I have no idea if he was a doctor) can examine me for approximately 30 minutes and from this alone they have decided that I am fit to work! They also tell me in this letter that my benefits will stop on 6th June, which basically gives me just over 2 weeks and then my money will be stopped!

I spent the weekend in tears, couldn't sleep, my blood pressure is through the roof, and now I have to fight to try and keep my benefits. The letter goes on for a further 3 A4 pages with a load of information, most of which I do not understand, about how to appeal against the decision, that I can apply for Jobseekers Allowance - how can I get this when basically I can't even cook a meal on my own (I get DLA for this), can't do my own housework (I pay for a cleaner), do my own ironing (I use ironing angels) and even getting up and getting showered leaves me exhausted! I have also been given a blue badge because I cannot walk very far!

This morning I phoned the number on the letter, and spoke to a very nice lady who told me that to keep my benefits I had to appeal against it and send in a sick note with the appeal. She also told me that in 75% of the cases where the benefit was turned down, it was revoked on appeal. But she also told me that the appeals were taking 6 months to be heard because of a back log. What a joke! The back log is because the government have changed the system to save money, but this system is causing more work, and they are spending more money on the appeals tribunals than they are saving on benefits! This country is going downhill so fast!

So now I have got an appointment at my doctors for Friday, I have to wait for the letter telling me how they came to this decision, and then I have a battle on my hands to try and keep the benefits that a consultant told me I was entitled to! In the words of the consultant who told me I had to stop working 'If you do not stop working now, you will be in a wheelchair by the time you are 50'. I am now 54 and I like to think that because I did stop work, my health has not deteriorated as much as it could have done! But since the original diagnosis was made I have also developed osteo-arthritis and Fibromyalgia, and these two, plus the fact that I have two discs missing in my back, have left me in severe pain and with limited movement, a lack of energy that you would not believe, and the worst thing of all, the memory of a goldfish! When I spoke to this woman today she asked me my postcode, I had a terrible job remembering it! So if anyone out there has any idea what sort of job I could do, at the age of 54 with a medical history like mine, and the only qualifications I have are nursing, I would very much like to hear from you! That is of course if I can manage to get out of bed in the first place, because that is something else that is a problem, I sleep less than 4 hours a night, so by 2 p.m. I need to sleep.  Way to go DWP, perhaps next time you want to assess me you would like to move in for a week and see what I have to deal with on a daily, in fact hourly, basis! Maybe then you would feel differently!

Joan Crawford and Bette Davis, now they were two legends!

I am having a bad day! I had a terrible night's sleep, the men went out at 6 a.m. this morning so I was woken by them getting showered and ready for their day! I did fall back to sleep, only to be woken by the phone ringing at 9 a.m.! So frustrating! I had a job waking up, my eyelids felt heavy, and my whole body felt like it had been used as a football!

Yesterday I had a brilliant time at the theatre, the play was absolutely fantastic, and the two actresses - the only two people involved - Anita Dobson and Greta Scacchi were incredible! They played the parts of Joan Crawford and Bette Davis, and from what I have read about the two actresses they got them off to a T! The whole play was of them in their dressing rooms, preparing for the filming of a scene in the well known movie 'Whatever Happened to Baby Jane', and it was fun, it was emotional, it was deep, but my goodness it was enjoyable! The language was a little choice at times from the Bette Davis side of the dressing room, but it was in context, and it was done with a smile! The only thing I didn't enjoy was the fact that I had a man sat in front of me who completely blocked my view, so I had to keep leaning to one side to watch the play, and this did not do my back any good! I had had the sense to take a cushion with me to put in my back, so this helped me, but the constant moving of this man meant that I had to keep adjusting my sitting position to be able to see the play! It could only happen to me, all the rest of the people on the front row were short, but this man was at least 6 foot tall!

After the play Elaine and I went to Bella Italia and had a meal, when we went into the restaurant it was fairly quiet, but by the time we left the place was heaving! So glad we didn't go in any later, because the service was not brilliant with just a few in there, and it got worse as the evening went on! We sat for 20 minutes before they came and took our food order, and people who had come in after us were served before us! This has always been a pet hate of mine, and I have often got up and walked out of restaurants when it has happened! This was not the worst of it though, when they did come and take our order, we ordered a glass of wine for me, and Elaine ordered a blood orange juice and a glass of tap water, they brought over the tap water and a lemon, and no wine! The waiter asked if we had ordered our food, which we had, and then disappeared - no wine was forthcoming! I called him back over and explained that they had missed off my wine and given Elaine the wrong drink! He took the lemon away, and we waited another 10 minutes for the wine and the correct drink! Oh dear, this did not bode well! We ordered a pizza garlic bread to share with some olives as a starter, and thank goodness we did, because we waited quite some time for our main course! The only upside was that when the bill came they had missed off my second glass of wine (although they had put on the second drink Elaine had!), Elaine's coffee and her pudding and I am afraid because of the poor service and the long wait for our food I didn't tell them! It was very naughty, I know, but it was a frustrating meal, and as there were only 3 other tables of people when we first went in there was no need for such poor service!

When I got home at about 7.45 p.m. the men had had their tea, walked the dog, and were sitting chilling waiting for me to come home! We had a good chat about their day, I told them about the play, and then we watched TV for a while! At about 9 p.m. I got a call off my lovely son Aaron, so for me it was the perfect end to an almost perfect day!

Today I am taking it easy! The dog has her bath at 12.30, and I have to go and do a bit of shopping at Aldi! I am sitting with a blanket round my legs at the moment, because they ache, it feels like someone is sticking pins in them, and I feel like I have a weight on my shoulders as they are so sore! The joys of Fibro, the pain moves all over and I never know which part is going to hurt next! The upside is I have done the washing this week, the ironing was collected yesterday the house was cleaned with the help of the men on Tuesday so all I need to do today is tidy up a little and organise the tea! It has taken me many years to learn not to rush around and clean every single day, the dust will be back, the house will never be 100% clean, so as long as it is reasonable I have to accept that this is how it will be! Life is too short to worry about a bit of dust, and as my lovely mum used to say 'this is not a dress rehearsal, this is it, so live every day like it's your last' and that my friends is exactly what I intend to do!