The Birthday Blues!

It has been a bit of a topsy turvy few weeks for me! I have finally started to get things sorted with respect to my illness, with the first step of moving doctors! My old surgery was very large, but very impersonal, it was almost impossible to get an appointment and I always felt like the doctors were very dismissive of me. What I would give to be able to give them Fibromyalgia for the day! I would love to see them struggling to put their feet on the floor because of the pain shooting up their legs to their hips, trying to shower but the water on their skin actually feels like it is burning because of the pain, feeling wiped out after the shower and having to sit for 20 minutes before they can even think about getting dressed, trying to get downstairs but having to sit on their bum because the pressure on their knees is too much and brings them to tears - and all this is before 10 in the morning! What would they do, how would they cope with it, and how on earth would they be able to go to work every day when a simple task like a shower can take anything from half an hour to two hours! Gives people food for thought that simple everyday tasks are like climbing a mountain for a person with Fibro!

 

My lovely friend Debs Towers-Best sent me an article she had found that was written by someone who had worked with people with Fibro, and in it he stated that often people are diagnosed with Fibro within two years of a major trauma in their life! This makes sense for me, because I was diagnosed with it just 14 months after the death of my beloved mum, and the subsequent fall out with my family! It is incredible really that I must have had this illness for about a year before I realised there was anything wrong! So many of the things mentioned in this article fitted with how I am - the longing for chocolate, something I never had before, because apparently you crave sweet things, the intake of too much caffeine, mainly because all I want to do is sleep, and not eating properly! Most of the time I have no appetite and it is too much of an effort to make food! The other one, which I do not have a problem with, is drinking plenty of water, I drink at least 2 litres a day, as I am constantly thirsty!

 

I have an appointment at my new doctors on Monday and I am going to sit over the weekend and write out a list of things I want to mention to him. My symptoms have escalated of late, and I am finding that the pain relief is only lasting about an hour, after that it gradually returns and I have to spend a couple of hours sitting rocking back and forth waiting for the 4 hours to be up so I can take some more! Not a good way to live!

 

I have also received the paperwork from the court telling me that there is a 40 week - yes 9 months - wait to get my tribunal heard because of the backlog! It beggars belief that I am going to have this hanging over me for 9 months, and all the time I have no doubt I will be deteriorating because stress makes this illness worse!

 

Of all the symptoms this illness has, the worst one for me is the loss of short term memory, it drives me crazy that I cannot get myself organised in any way, everything is so muddled in my head, and often I can't even say what I want to say because the words just won't come to me! What a carry on!

 

On the other side of the coin I sat today and read about two lady police officers who were gunned down and killed earlier this week! The sadness I felt at the tragic loss of two ladies just doing their jobs, the awful way their families must be feeling that they would never see them again, and it really put things into perspective. I may be in pain, but at least I am alive, but then I also thought, but what sort of life is it? I never make plans to go anywhere because I know that 90% of the time I will cancel, I hardly leave the house on my own because I am scared that I will either fall over or I will get some sort of spasm and not be able to move, and worst of all I hate going out because when I walk the pain is so bad that I am almost in tears!

 

But I want to end this blog on a happy note, this weekend is my birthday (well Monday!!) and I will be 55! The realisation hit me the other day that I will be nearer to 60 than 50, and it was quite a shock! My eldest son Aaron is coming home for the weekend with his girlfriend Vickie and Luke's girlfriend Abby will be coming over too! We have booked to go out for a meal on Saturday night at Cafe Gnosh, and although I am looking forward to it, I am also dreading it, because I will have to spend time getting ready to go! The one consolation is it is a Saturday, so I will have a very easy day and hopefully a rest in the afternoon so I can cope with going out! I love it when all my family are together, and I am so looking forward to that! Life is good in so many ways, and for this I am grateful, but what I would like is one day free from pain, not much to ask, but unlikely to happen!

 

 

Aaron and Vickie

 

Luke and Abby

 



Goodbye Kerry!

Today was Kerry's funeral! Something I had been dreading attending for some time. Not because I didn't want to pay my respects to an incredible woman, but because I knew there would be people there who are two faced hypocrits who never had a good word to say about Kerry while she was alive and were only there because they were bloody nosey! I know that sounds awful, but I can't help telling the truth! There were people there who had asked me not to invite Kerry to get togethers at my home, which I find incredible! Thankfully I have my own mind and do what I want to do in my own home!

 

The send off was beautiful, the church was packed, the hymns were lovely, the eulogy was wonderful, but for me the two things that brought tears to my eyes were the poem Kerry's 11 year old daughter tried to read and the speech Kerry's husband Dave made. To say that he was angry is putting it mildly, but he was right to be angry, because a lot of people think that the reason for Kerry's illness and the speed with which it took her life was down to the stress she went through. You see Kerry was one of those people who gave her all to her job, she did in fact give her life! I won't put all the details on here, out of respect for Kerry and her family, but the Health Authority she worked for for many many years, and where she did her training, basically crapped on her from a great height - and today Dave named and shamed those responsible knowing that it would get back to them! A brave step to take, but an understandable one! Kerry, the bubbly fun loving girl who would give the shirt off her back to help someone was accused of being a bully and racist, and the people who accused her of this were people she thought were her friends. I believe they lied, and what is even more incredible is the main perpetrator of these lies was promoted once Kerry was suspended and then removed from her post! Incredible that in this day and age people can lie in court and get away with it. And what is even worse, the person that did this to Kerry denied that she was her friend, yet just a few years before this had been on holiday with her!

 

I hope that Kerry can rest in peace now, and I hope that Dave can have some closure now that he has had his say, and I hope that the people who did this to Kerry never have another days peace for as long as they live! Kerry's 15 year old son stood tall today, tears in his eyes, and tried to be strong for his dad and little sister, Kerry's 11 year old daughter was in pieces. She was bereft that this was her time to say goodbye to the fun loving vibrant mummy who had always been there for her, given her everything she could, and all she wanted now was a cuddle from her mum!

 

 

Kerry and Dave - taken just 18 months ago at a party we went to!



 

Because I was unsure if the people I did not like were going to continue on to the wake, I decided not to attend. There was also a burial after the church service, and I couldn't face that either. So myself and Mel went for lunch and we had a bottle of wine and toasted Kerry, which in Kerry's eyes would be the thing to do! We all had visions of Kerry sitting on a cloud with a glass of wine in one hand and her mobile phone in the other! If Kerry wasn't laughing and joking she was on her phone, which never seemed to stop ringing! God bless you Kerry Marriott, you will be so sadly missed by so many, but you will live on in your two children, who look so much like you, and I hope that they will both grow up to be like their mum too - bubbly, cheeky, radiant and full of fun, that was Kerry!

 

After I got home from lunch we had a bit of a break and a cup of tea, then finally went to the doctors on the estate to register with them. I am finding it increasingly difficult to drive, and when I go to my surgery in town it is a difficult drive and parking is a nightmare! The surgery on the estate is literally a 2 minute drive and there is lots of parking, which is a relief! I also feel that the surgery in town is now too big, the doctors are not interested, and most of the time they don't even look up when you are talking! This for me is just rude! How can they possibly know how I am when they don't even look at me? Anyway, we are now on the move, hopefully, and with that move we should get a full overhaul by the new doctors! Now that should be interesting!

 

I have a busy day again tomorrow, my theatre trip with Elaine and Vic and meal out, so I am off to bed shortly. The pain today has been mostly everywhere! I have struggled to hold up my head, my shoulders really hurt, and my hips and knees feel like they have red hot pokers stuck in them! But I will carry on, I will not give in, and maybe one day I can just get something that will help me! But I would like a cure for cancer to be found first, because cancer kills, and I really don't want any more children to have to go through what Kerry's children did today! Cancer sucks, I hate it with a passion, and I pray to God that one day that cure will be found!

All Hail Ma Brown!

I had the best night out on Tuesday with my lovely hubby and my son Luke and his partner Abby. We went to see Mrs Brown Rides Again at the NIA in Birmingham, and to say that I laughed until I cried is putting it mildly! Even my throat hurt because I laughed so much, something I haven't done in a very long time! We booked the night out as a surprise for Luke's 24th Birthday, so he didn't know he was going until Sunday evening! We had arranged for Abby to finish work early on Tuesday so she could get here and have time to get ready. We didn't just go to the show, we also booked a meal as part of the Freestyle package, which was very enjoyable and also well organised. In with the price we had a main course and a sweet, three drinks per person, and our car parking ticket, which in itself would have been £8 if we hadn't got the package deal! We arrived in Birmingham at 5, which gave us plenty of time to find the car park, and make our way to the arena. Thankfully the car park had plenty of disabled places so we got a space and had a very short walk, down a ramp, to the venue. All very well organised! After waiting for about 15 minutes for the door to open, we were shown to our table and then the waiter came to take our order for drinks, and we then had to go to the buffet to choose our meal. I went for the chicken tikka with saga aloo and basmati rice, which was delicious. The sweet trolley was heaving with an abundance of lovely sweets, and I went for a caramel apple pie with cream! Mmmm, really tasty! I also had two glasses of wine with my meal, and ordered a wine for the interval.

 

We went to our seats for the show, which were in a really good spot, and it all began at 7.30 on the dot! The start in itself was hilarious, even the safety message was given by 'Ma Brown', and her mention of the IRA was funny and taken in good part. When the actual show began, Ma Brown was polishing in the kitchen, not particularly funny until you realised she was polishing the BAFTA the show had won! This was then promptly followed by her walking into the lounge and tripping over something, when she picked it up it was another BAFTA and her comment was 'jesus these feckin things are everywhere', to which the crowd roared and clapped with approval! The show itself was brilliant, lots of ad libs, hysterical cast, and many moments when they forgot their lines, but nobody in the audience minded, well most people! The only downside for us was the fact that the three people sat in front of us, a man, woman and a young girl, did not seem to be enjoying the show, and on quite a few occasions the man and woman looked at the young girl, who I assume was their daughter, and seemed a little embarrassed! There were a lot of inuendos in the show, and a lot of swearing, but I will say that the site you buy tickets from tells you that it does contain adult humour and under 14's have to be accompanied by an adult! If they felt it was too risque for their daughter, then maybe they should have thought twice about taking her! Thankfully they left about half an hour before it finished! The only other downside to the night was the seats in the arena, very very uncomfortable, and they really did not do me any good at all! By the end of the show I was in agony, and although there was plenty of leg room, my knees were very painful too! Thankfully it was a short walk to the car, and when I got home I had a nice cup of tea and 2 painkillers!

 

Ma Brown on the big screen!



 

 

 The cast at the end of the show!

 

 

Luke opening his presents!

 

 

 

We really have had a bit of a mad few weeks with one thing and another, but one thing I do have this week is the funeral of my lovely friend Kerry, not something I am looking forward to, especially as there will be people there who I know are not nice, and who have, in the past let me down badly. But I will rise above all that, because I have to pay my respects to a lovely woman who did not deserve to lose her life to bloody rotten cancer. She also did not deserve what she went through over the last few years! And more than all that, her two children aged just 15 and 11 do not deserve to grow up without a mother. Tragic is the word!

 

On Saturday I am at the theatre with Elaine and Vic, an early celebration for my birthday on 24th of this month, before they return to Spain for the winter. We are going for a meal first, which is going to be difficult because both Rich and I are on diets! We both have a lot of weight to lose and cannot afford to overdo it at the weekend, but I think we just have to be sensible. I am not going to drink, mainly because it is a meal before the show and I am worried about going to the toilet in the middle of the show and also being too tired to enjoy it! But whatever happens, we will enjoy it, because it is nice to meet up with friends and even better to have an evening out!

 

Next weekend is the one I am looking forward to, we are off to Windsor for a couple of days and staying at the McDonald Windsor Hotel right by the castle. But the bit I am looking forward to most is the trip around the Harry Potter Studios tour! I have arranged for a wheelchair as the tour itself is quite big, but mainly because I cannot walk too far now, and I know there is a lot to see!

 

So all in all September is a busy month, and it ends with a visit from my older son Aaron and his partner Vicki on the 21st to celebrate my birthday, which for me is always great because I miss him very much! It is always good to have the whole family together, and I must be honest I dread the time when they are too busy to visit, which I hope will never happen!

 

Anyway, I have a lot of other things going on, mainly the fact that my appeal is going to tribunal and that I am now changing my GP because I cannot get into town to go to the one I have now! So a busy month ahead, one I will no doubt wish would be at an end, because stress makes the Fibro worse, and at the moment I am extremely stressed! This I think is the main reason why I am in so much pain, which I will say is affecting my whole body at the moment! It has got so bad that some evenings I am having to get into my pyjamas early because I can't even stand my bra being on me as it hurts my skin! Try explaining that to your doctor, they really have no clue and do not understand one iota of what I go through each day! But I will carry on, I will get through all this, but sometimes, just sometimes, I wish that I could have one day free from pain, to be able to walk round without every step hurting me, to go up the stairs normally instead of on all fours, to get out of my chair without my knees creaking and hurting me! Oh look, there's a pink pig flying past my window! That is as likely as me having a day free from pain!!!